Have you ever stayed in a relationship well past its expiration date? Maybe it was months, maybe years – long after the spark was gone, after you knew in your bones this person wasn’t right for you, and well after you stopped feeling like your best self.
When you finally muster the courage to head out the door, you soon wonder why you put up with it for so long. Only once you’re out of an unhealthy relationship do you remember that you deserve so much more than settling for someone – or something – that holds you back.
Humans are remarkably good at staying stuck. We cling to unhappy partnerships, compromise our values, and sacrifice fulfillment, all because we’re way too good at lying to ourselves. We rationalize our own protective instincts, convincing ourselves that “it's not that bad,” and allow our limiting beliefs to keep us trapped in situations that do not serve our highest and best good for way too long.
We do it in romantic relationships, and we do it at work too.
How many of you wake up dreading the day ahead, knowing you’re about to spend it navigating office politics, managing toxic personalities, and dealing with crises that aren’t even yours to own? How often do you open your inbox with a sense of doom, bracing yourself for the latest round of “urgent” tasks hiding behind those subject lines? And how often do you end the week feeling burned out, drained, and unmotivated to wake up Monday morning and do it all over again?
If you’re nodding along, you’re far from alone.
As an executive coach, I hear stories from unhappy professionals every day. Talented and capable people in jobs where challenges are unmanaged, expectations are wildly unrealistic, and the investment in the necessary tools, resources, and skills is practically nonexistent. So many of you are working in environments that do anything but set you up for success. And yet, there you are, staying in these dysfunctional jobs that drain the three most precious resources you have to give: your time, your energy and your talent.
It’s madness!
But here’s where I come in—not as the annoying friend who says, “I told you so,” but as the voice of reason, reminding you that you can do so much better! You have too much talent to waste it on teams or companies that demand too much and offer too little.
There, I said it.
If you hate your job, can’t stand your colleagues, and feel like each day at work is a soul-sucking exercise in futility, it’s time to face the truth: you deserve better.
But knowing you deserve better is one thing; actually getting unstuck is another.
Lucky for you, you’ve got a coach who knows exactly where to start. 👇
First, let’s call BS on those limiting beliefs that keep us stuck in unhealthy work environments. Have you ever caught yourself thinking:
💭 “I’m lucky to have a job in this economy. Now’s not a good time to make a move.”
💭 “I’m too senior/too experienced/too…whatever, so no one’s hiring someone like me.”
💭 “My big bonus is around the corner, so I just need to stick it out a little longer.”
💭 “No one loves their job; the next one will just be more of the same.”
💭 “I’m happy enough outside of work, so maybe the job doesn’t have to matter.”
These limiting beliefs stick because the first part is often true. Yes, you may be grateful, experienced, awaiting a big payday, or fulfilled in other parts of your life. However, the truth in those statements blinds us to the lie embedded in each one - the part that convinces us to settle for a situation we’ve long outgrown.
Getting unstuck means challenging these beliefs and realizing that no one would ever land a new job if any of these things were actually true. The truth is that there’s absolutely nothing keeping you from stepping into the job you deserve.
Next, I want you to get crystal clear on the reasons why your current job is just plain bad. List all the reasons why you’re miserable most working days, and be as specific as possible. If your boss is toxic, list all the reasons why and how that toxic behavior limits your growth and effectiveness. If your company is poorly run, record every missed opportunity for improvement.
Once you’ve written an exhaustive list, it’s time to think about how you’d like to feel at work instead. Replace those frustrations with how your job could look if the opposite were true. Instead of a toxic boss, imagine a real leader who knows how to mentor you and cultivate your potential. Instead of wasting away at an ineffective and short-sighted organization, picture what it’s like to work for a company that equips you with the tools and resources to succeed.
Why do we do this?
Because too many of us leave one bad situation only to land in another one just like it. Getting crystal clear about what you don’t want—and, more importantly, what you do deserve—protects you from making the same mistake twice.
Once you’ve challenged your limiting beliefs and clarified what you want (and don’t want), you’re ready to go after your next opportunity.
But here’s where most job seekers make a big mistake. 👇
How many of you, frustrated with your job, decide to scan LinkedIn, get discouraged, apply for positions you’re not really excited about, and then hear nothing back? Then, how many of you take that painful experience as confirmation that new jobs just aren’t out there, and rationalize staying put?
No, I don’t have cameras in your office. I know you’ve done it, because we all do it. We panic, browse job postings, and give up too soon.
Here’s the thing: relying exclusively on online job platforms is like trying to find love exclusively through dating apps. Sure, some people get lucky—but most of us need to cast a wider net.
Effective job searching means diversifying your approach.
Instead of exclusively relying on online job platforms, change it up a bit. Leverage your network and let people know you’re looking. Ask for informational interviews with anyone you may know in companies you’d potentially like to work for. Attend trade shows and industry events to meet new people and learn more about your industry. Or take a class to continue your education in your field and see what kind of new people you meet.
Creating multiple paths to the right job will increase your chances of landing your dream role. Don’t settle for the low-success rate of half-hearted online applications - get proactive and put yourself out there. The more opportunities you create for yourself, the better the chances the right job will find you.
Lastly, prepare yourself for the long haul. The process of finding a new job will take longer and be harder than you expect. It’s going to shake your confidence. You might be a finalist for a role, but not land it. You might have technical issues during a critical interview. You might even discover a typo in your resume after you’ve sent it to dozens of employers.
Why do the job-searching gods do this to us? Because they make us prove how badly we want something before it lets us have it. Everything worth having requires valiant effort, and your career is no different.
Stick with it, because most people give up too easily, and wake up on the day of their retirement feeling as though they contributed nothing of value to the professional world.
Listen, I don’t know about you, but I’d rather go down swinging, fighting for the job I know I deserve, than settling for one that doesn’t help me realize my true potential.
If you’re feeling utterly daunted by the task of unearthing yourself from a job where you’re basically comfortable and swan-diving into the unknown, I get it. But take it from someone who’s taken the leap and landed in a job that’s the perfect expression of my talents - you couldn’t pay me enough to go back to a professional life that’s fine, but not great.
You have this one life to live and this one chance to make an important contribution. Don’t waste it on teams, in companies, and for people that just don’t know how to leverage your potential.
Only you can say “thanks but no thanks” to settling, and fight for the career you deserve. Let this be your wake-up call from your coach who knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, there’s a boss, company, and team out there who would be damn lucky to have you. Get out there and find them before someone else does. You’ve got this.
Danielle Terranova is the voice behind Leadership Lessons with Danielle.
She has been an executive coach since 2015 and owner of Terranova Consulting, LLC since 2019.