Even though we think we know it when we see it, it’s important to understand and recognize the various traits that make someone challenging to work with.
Difficult people come in many forms, each bringing unique challenges and impacts to the workplace. Here’s a rundown of common types of difficult personalities you might encounter and how their behavior affects others and the team as a whole:
The Know-It-All: "I know more than you." This person has an answer for everything (even when they’re wrong). They dominate conversations and dismiss others' ideas, creating an environment where team members feel undervalued and reluctant to contribute new ideas.
The Passive But Aggressive: "Yes to your face, no behind your back." Ever received a smile, then met with nothing but passive resistance? This person’s indirect protest and veiled resentment can be more draining than outright confrontation, leading to confusion, mistrust, and a toxic atmosphere that hampers collaboration.
The Naysayer: "That'll never work, here's a million reasons why not." These folks specialize in pessimism, shooting down ideas before they even make it onto the brainstorming table. Their constant negativity can stifle creativity and innovation, making the team hesitant to propose new solutions.
The Micromanager: "I don't trust you." Trust is essentially a foreign concept - they hover, they nitpick, and they leave you feeling like you need permission to breathe. This behavior can crush team morale, decrease productivity, and increase stress levels, as employees feel they are not trusted to do their jobs.
The Dramatic: "The sky is falling." Every minor issue is a catastrophe. Their need for attention and constant emotional upheaval can turn the workplace into a soap opera, distracting the team from important tasks and creating an emotionally exhausting work environment.
The Slacker: "I'll get to it, eventually." They do the bare minimum, leaving others to pick up the slack. Their lack of commitment can frustrate even the most patient team members, leading to resentment and burnout as others are forced to compensate for their laziness.
Can’t I Just Avoid Difficult People with Bad Attitudes?
The official coach’s answer to this question is: it depends. If you’re happy being an individual contributor who works independently, or a contracted employee who can walk away from companies and people who are too much work, avoid away. But if you want to lead high-performing teams, have a greater impact, and make the big bucks someday, managing people —including difficult personalities—is part of the gig.
At the end of the day, leaders are responsible for developing the potential in people and processes. They can’t do so effectively if difficult people are allowed to disrupt team dynamics, lower morale, and hamper productivity. Leaders must develop patience, deal with conflict, and cultivate the communication skills necessary to manage difficult people if they want to advance their careers.
So how am I supposed to deal with difficult colleagues?
1. Keep Your Cool:
If you want to rise above the fray, you have to keep your composure at all costs. Create space between the challenging person’s offense and your response, and fill it with deep, calming breaths to allow level heads to prevail. This not only helps you think clearly and respond rationally but also sets a tone of professionalism that can de-escalate tense situations.
2. Seek To Understand:
Before jumping to conclusions about a difficult person’s behavior, invest time in understanding their perspective. Use active listening skills, such as mirroring their words and asking open-ended questions, to uncover the root causes of their actions. This empathetic approach can reveal underlying issues that may explain difficult behavior and open the door to more constructive conversations.
3. Hold Strong Boundaries:
Creating and enforcing clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with challenging individuals. Be clear on your outlines for acceptable behavior and consequences for crossing the line. Communicate these boundaries firmly but respectfully, and revisit them regularly in team meetings to ensure everyone is on the same page. Strong boundaries protect your well-being and maintain a healthy work environment.
4. Choose Your Battles:
Not every issue is worth a confrontation. Prioritize addressing behaviors based on their importance and impact to determine when to engage and when to let things slide. By conserving your energy for significant issues, you can approach them with greater focus and effectiveness, preventing burnout and unnecessary stress.
5. Document Everything:
Keep a detailed record of incidents and interactions with difficult people. Start doing so when your professional intuition tells you there could be a problem. We often wait for things to become egregious before we start documenting, wasting valuable time between major problems and necessary resolutions. Although you will be happy to toss records that are successfully resolved, HR will require a factual account of ongoing problems to intervene meaningfully.
6. Escalate Concerns:
When direct efforts to resolve conflicts fail, it’s time to escalate the issue to higher authorities. Approach this step professionally by presenting your documented evidence and clearly explaining the impact of the difficult person’s behavior on the team and overall productivity. Propose constructive solutions and be prepared to engage in mediated discussions to find a resolution. Escalating concerns shows that you’re committed to maintaining a positive and effective work environment.
What If I’ve Tried All That and It's Not Working?
Even the best strategies sometimes fall short. When a difficult person's behavior continues to wreak havoc on the team and undermine productivity despite your best efforts, it may be time to face the hard truth: not every situation is salvageable. Holding onto a toxic employee can drain morale, stifle innovation, and create a hostile work environment. Recognizing when to cut ties is crucial for protecting the health and success of your organization. Here’s how to identify the red flags that signal it's time to say goodbye and take decisive action for the betterment of the team.
Persistent Toxic Behavior: If the person is consistently disrespectful, exclusionary, discriminatory, cutthroat, or abusive and shows no signs of changing, their presence is certainly more harmful than beneficial. Only weak leaders and organizations allow toxic behavior to thrive.
Negative Impact on Team Morale: When one person’s behavior affects the entire team’s productivity, engagement, and morale, it’s a clear sign something needs to change. Employee engagement is too big of a price to pay for one person’s negativity.
Refusal to Accept Feedback: When someone refuses to assimilate constructive feedback into some sort of behavioral change, it’s the strongest indication that things just aren’t going to work out. If the individual rejects well-intentioned feedback and refuses to acknowledge their behavior, it’s a major red flag to indicate an unresolvable situation.
We’ve all dealt with our fair share of difficult colleagues and struggled with knowing when to pull the plug on an office relationship that just isn’t working. It’s never easy, but managing challenging people is a skill that can make or break the sanity you depend on to advance your career. Do your best to bring people around, manage bad attitudes, and provide the coaching your colleagues need to succeed. If all else fails, feel confident escalating matters toward a resolution. Remember, successful leadership often requires resilience, empathy, and a willingness to make decisions on behalf of what’s best for the team and the organizations we serve. Challenging colleagues gives us an opportunity to practice these advanced skills, even if they drive us to drink while they do it. Hang in there. Be strong. You’ve got this.
Danielle Terranova is the voice behind Leadership Lessons with Danielle.
She has been an executive coach since 2015 and owner of Terranova Consulting, LLC since 2019.
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